Self-Love - What does it even mean?

“You just have to love yourself.”

It has become a trend. But frankly, I'm not sure if many people even know what it actually means to love oneself.

We tend to love ourselves more easily when we’re feeling good, when we’re productive, when people like us, when we reach a goal, or when we look amazing.
But giving ourselves grace when times are tough, when life hits us in the face, or when our body doesn’t look or feel the way we want it to… that’s when we really get to practice self-love.

To break down what it actually means to love yourself, we need to understand the deeper meaning of the words SELF + LOVE.

SELF:

We do not consist only of what we consider the “good” or positive parts. We’re not only and always happy, kind, energetic, understanding, fun, supportive, joyful, etc.
Humans are complex beings with many different inner aspects. Aspects that can also be angry, selfish, sad, ashamed, boring, lazy, tired, and everything in between.

LOVE:

Love means acceptance - to see, include, and respect. In this case: the self, and all that it encompasses. 

Practicing self-love means learning to love, or rather accept, see and include, ALL parts of yourself.

Please note that 'accepting' does not mean you do not wish to improve something - it means to recognize, get to know, and work with these different aspects to become a more harmonious and peaceful version of yourself.

As long as we’re ignoring and thus rejecting the so-called “negative” aspects of ourselves and praise only the ‘good’ parts - which we often do, and is even taught by some self-development gurus - we’re actually making things worse.

Although it’s a positive thing that the concept of self-love is becoming more popular, it simultaneously has become a front used by many to bypass the real work.  

When you start to understand the true meaning of self-love, you start to see the subtle nuances of it. 

Some examples of what IS and what is NOT self-love:

❌ Toxic positivity and ignoring your feelings
Forcing yourself to “just stay positive” when you're hurting isn’t going to heal you - it silences you. Real self-love makes space for your full emotional spectrum. It’s okay to feel sh*t at times.
✅ Learning to feel all your emotions
Self-love holds space for your full humanity - joy, grief, anger, softness. It’s not about staying positive all the time; it’s about staying honest and kind to yourself through it all.

❌ Saying yes when you mean no
Agreeing to things out of guilt, fear, or wanting to be liked might keep the peace on the outside - but it creates inner conflict. Self-betrayal in the name of “kindness” isn’t love.
✅ Honoring your “no” without apology
Self-love means respecting your own limits and speaking them with honesty. A “no” rooted in truth is more loving - to both you and others - than a resentful yes.

❌ Endless pampering to escape your emotions
Treating yourself is great, but if you're constantly masking deeper feelings with spa days, unhealthy meals, or retail therapy, it's not self-love. This is avoidance dressed up as luxury.
✅ Tuning in before treating yourself
Self-love means asking, “What do I truly need right now?” Sometimes that’s a long bath or a yummy treat; other times, it’s journaling through a tough emotion. The key is intention, not escape.

❌ Playing the victim instead of owning your story
Constantly seeing yourself as powerless or blaming others for your situation can feel like self-protection, but it’s actually disempowering.
✅ Owning your story and your power
Self-love means recognizing that while life can be unfair, you’re not powerless. It’s choosing growth over blame, healing over helplessness - and rewriting your story from a place of compassionate strength.

❌ Being perfect
There is no such thing as perfect. Measuring your worth by how flawlessly you perform isn’t self-love - it’s fear wearing a mask. Perfectionism is often a strategy to avoid rejection or criticism, not a path to self-acceptance.
✅ Allowing yourself to be beautifully imperfect
Self-love is knowing that your value doesn’t depend on how polished, productive, or “together” you seem. It’s giving yourself permission to be a work in progress, to try, to fail, make mistakes, to grow - and to still be worthy every step of the way.

So the next time you hear someone say: “Just love yourself a bit more.”

I hope your BS radar gently blinks - not to dismiss the message, but to look deeper.

Because self-love isn’t always soft, pretty, or Instagram-worthy.
It’s raw, honest, nuanced, and deeply personal. It’s a commitment - not a chore, not a trend. And most of all: it’s a commitment worth choosing, over and over again.

🖤🖤🖤

Need a reminder to come back to yourself? We picked the Self-Love signet ring for our Belle & Bold collection to wear as a reminder - not just on the good days, but especially on the messy ones. Let it be your grounding anchor, your little bold whisper that says: “I’ve got this.”